The Last Concession Stand

[This piece was initially finished on November 8, 2016. You should know the date and the horror that ensued. With that, you can also imagine the embarrassment and shame that I felt in having written something so wrong. We all thought Hillary would win.

Not only had I shared in that belief I’d written something poking fun at the Trump candidacy, not taking the threat seriously, a sentiment that may have been part of why he won.

That horror has subsided … a bit. Not fully because all the damage done by the Trump “presidency” has not been undone with Joe Biden winning, but because Trump is still refusing to concede.

This is where I want to share this with my readers because though he may deny us the satisfaction of admitting loss, he is a loser. Here is what he’d likely say. And yes, this piece is offensive, intentionally so, but hasn’t the entire Trump presidency been an exercise in precisely such. I haven’t changed much other than edit some four-year-old nits and added several comments he would have made, constraining myself to making references pre-11/08/16, not replacing Hillary with Joe, etc… That way we can pretend, just for a moment, that this nightmare never happened.

If this is the only concession Trump ever gives, no matter. He will be gone in less than two months and then we can truly begin to Make America Great Again!!!]

The Last Concession Stand

We’re screwed, you know actually we’re fucked. The polls, the insiders, the establishment have all just lied and are trying to rob you, me of this election, this victory that was ours, mine and they are saying Crooked Hilary won but we know they lie, lies, all lies!

Way back on June 16th of last year I descended down that escalator at my great, marvelous and huge Trump Tower. Then, and now, I was not a politician. You know I used to own the politicians. I’d throw them a little money, ‘cuz I have so much. You won’t believe how cheaply they can be bought. It’s really amazing. Believe me! And after I’d throw them pocket change I had them in my pocket. Haha, that was sort of funny. Pocket change, pocket. So I wasn’t a politician, just a normal person like all of you, except incredibly rich and incredibly handsome and huge. I have huge hands, Lil’ Marco. Oh yeah, I’m the most intelligent. I just forget that part.

So I’m rich! I funded my own campaign. Yes, some others insisted I take their money, but that’s just because they love me, so much love. Thank you, Vlad. You know they say I’ve got this thing with the Russian leader. But really, just look how much of a great leader he is. He has 90% approval and those who didn’t support him realize just how wrong they were and die. He’s that great of a leader. If only America had that kind of leadership. You know he said I was very intelligent. Obviously, I like it when people like me. What’s not to like? I remember that one time I met him in our green room stables, hung like horses. I told him about this one time when Melania was on vacation and I met this Ukrainian girl. Well, needless to say I Putin in her and made her Crimea. Vlad loved it!

So when I descended down that escalator in my great tower, so great, I came down and told you, the American people, real Americans, how I and I alone would Make America Great Again. I told you how the idiots, the fools running the country, the fools I own, have allowed Mexico to rip us off for years! I described how the Mexicans, the wetbacks if you prefer, did not send their very best to our great country, that they sent their rapists, their murderers. Just look they don’t even send their best dogs. Look at the chihuahua! That is not a great dog. Those huge ears like Lil’ Marco! They’re always yapping and barking like some human bitch. I mean really the establishment, the bankers, the Jews, have allowed our country to be invaded by these big eared, yappy bitches.

At the convention, such a good convention, I told you how illegals, bad hombres, are roaming our streets, raping our women, eating our babies, yum…. braised baby. You know these people they’ve even created this machine they use to steal our grass. I think it’s called a lawn something . . . .mower? It’s not like I’d ever do that kind of work. It’s for brown people not marvelous orange men like me! They come to our neighborhoods and take our grass!

But whatever, just think about this, Mexico sends their rapists, murderers, their chihuahuas who when they aren’t raping our women, murdering our children or being barking bitches, they steal our grass. Clearly, not the best of their country. Or is it? What kind of country is that. People from that country!

As you can guess I have not called Crooked Hillary to congratulate her on her win because this is not a win at all. It is a loss, a defeat for the American people, for real Americans. We will never have this chance again. Not tomorrow, not four years from now. It’s over! I was your last great white hope. You failed!!! You failed me, you failed my country! But no, this is not a victory, not a victory for anyone. You know it, they know it, everyone knows it! It is defeat! Instead of calling Crooked Hillary I sent some of my security guards from Mar-a-Lago to arrest her. You know we still have citizens’ arrests. They can’t take that away from me, I mean us. Unfortunately, these security guards were Mexicans so we all know they were biased, rigged against me. That and instead of arresting Crooked Hillary they took a siesta. Mexicans! What’s wrong with them? Realizing they were useless, I then called these bouncers I have at one of the clubs I own at the Trump International Vegas Hotel, such a beautiful building that I built with foreigners’ hands, with foreign steel. Yeah, so bouncers. Of course, you know the blacks. But just like the sleeping Mexicans at Mar-a-logo they failed me. I’m not sure if it’s that they were impregnating hoes with little nnnn, I not supposed to say but you know, the N word and that cartoon pig, piglet?, N-piglets outside of marriage, the horror hoes, or that you know their neighborhoods. Yes, where the blacks live you can’t even walk down the street without getting shot. It’s worse than Iraq. They live in slums. No education, no jobs, no living. I don’t know if it’s that they’re all lazy but it is. I told those people how I would make their lives great again, I have a great relationship with the blacks, but maybe they were just too stupid to understand. I don’t know. They failed me.

This is a loss for me, a loss for the country. Crooked Hilary should never have been allowed to run. With her lying, need I just mention Benghazi, her emails, travelgate, white watergate, I love that it was white, that thing with the Christmas cards before the liberals and their media banned Christmas. I mean just look at the Constitution. We know she doesn’t believe in the Constitution. Has she even read it? Her former boss, the Kenyan, has done everything to undermine the Constitution. The Constitution would not allow someone like Crooked Hillary to run in this popularity contest. No one likes her. No one. So she brought that brown guy out at her convention to accuse me of not knowing the Constitution. Sure I haven’t read it but I have a great mind. I have the best mind, the greatest mind! I don’t need to read it because I know it. I live it. I also have the greatest people around me. I have Newt and his big round head, I have Rudy with his rage, I have Christie with my dri-cleaning. I don’t need to read anything that the powers that be tell me. I just know. I know more about the Constitution than the Founding Fathers!

Not only should Crooked Hillary never been allowed to run, the whole thing was rigged. Remember those three blacks ominously standing, as you know they do, in front of the polling booths in Philadelphia, all three of them constituting the New Black Panther Party. Unbelievable! Believe me! But the media also rigged this. They refused to report on how huge my crowds were. Yes, you Little Katy. You refused to report on the greatness of my rallies. And in Nevada they refused to close the polls when it was time and buses came in and they were buses with Mexicans!!! But you know who Little Katy, who refuses to report how big my crowds are, how huge they are, bigly, used to fuck? She used to bang Keith Olbermann. Yes, that liberal liar who was first fired by PMSNBC, then was fired by Current, then even ESPN cancelled his show because no one liked it. Not like me on The Apprentice which won so many Emmys, except for when it was rigged. Keith Olbermann is just a loser. Fired three times. You’re fired, as I used to say with that cobra hand gesture. I came up with that, you know. But given that Little Katy used to let that loser stick it in her, of course!, she can’t even see, recognize or report on my winning crowds. Very bad. So huge!

And it is so rigged! Believe me. Very bad. I decided to run so that I could drain the swamp. After the FBI dude so bravely announced that he was reopening the email case on Crooked Hillary, we knew we were going to win so I preemptively started draining the swamp. It was going great! The trains began to run on time, just like when that fat guy in Italy was in power. It was grand, though not as grand as my Grand Hyatt that I built. But then all of a sudden something got stuck in the drain. I had my divers, because what rich man like me doesn’t have a bunch of scavenger divers on hand, go down and find what the problem was. There they found a server. The server was stuffed with the body of Vince Foster and was postmarked from Benghazi. Crooked Hillary rigging my draining of the swamp!!!

My campaign whores tell me I’m supposed to thank some people in speeches like this. Donald, stay calm, read the prompter, behave yourself. Good Donald. No don’t touch the hair. Fucking Jimmy Fallon. That was not funny. No one makes a fool of me. I’ll sue him. But just like I don’t apologize, I also don’t thank people. Why would I thank people? I did this. I built this. Not going to thank my campaign whores. They failed. I probably won’t even pay them. I mean I guess I could thank my daughter, Ivanka, for my nightly sucky suck. Bing, bing, boom bang, bing. Ahh…. But no, not even her. You know she tried to steal my phone during one of them so that when I wake up in the middle of the night to pee I couldn’t tell the American people the truth. Find the sex tapes!!! You know she’s married to a Jew, they run the media, but I’ll get him to do my bidding. Clearly, her mother’s daughter.

But in these months since I came down the escalator you’ve come to know me and if you know anything about me it’s that I’m a winner. I don’t lose. I’m not like what this country has become where we don’t win anymore. I win. So much winning. And though some people might interpret tonight as a loss it’s not! They’re all fools. You’re all idiots! My son, Barron, yes, he’s a baron. Yeah, but some call him Barry, which is bad. So bad. You know why? Because who else is called by some Barry? The Kenyan! Why else did I go after him with that whole birth certificate other than to save my name from being tainted by that black’s use of my son’s name? But Barron was playing on my phone one day in our large apartment in Trump Tower, so huge, so beautiful, when Melania wasn’t watching him because I don’t do that, that’s woman’s work. Well, he found this thing on some radio app. I don’t know how this stuff works. Still, he found it and it was these people talking and they were all angry. Barron loved how angry they were as they reminded him of me when I pay attention to that dirty kid. So I listened and there was Limbaugh, Hannity, Savage, I love Savage, such a name. And these people were just all talking all angry, hatred. I had one of my servants look into it and they have a great following. Like a following that’s almost as good as mine on The Apprentice. I looked at little Barron, he was tied to the radiator at this point, and said, “I want that! We Trumps when we want something we just take it.” So I thought to myself saying, “Self, we want this! What do we do?” Then it occurred to me that if I ran for president and just said all this stuff to the tenth power I could have what they had. And I did that. AND you idiots, fools, all just ate it up. You voted for me. You fools! You think I actually want to be president. I’d have to work. Only poor people work. Look at it! If I wanted to win I would have actually had some people get you idiots to the polls. I would have had what the establishment calls a “ground game” instead of having a touring rock concert where you all just show me how much you love me. Do you think I want to build a wall? Why would I do that? What would that solve but you fools just loved the idea. What is wrong with you? So no, I didn’t lose, you didn’t fire me. I quit! Idiots!

But I don’t quit. I’m not a quitter. Quitters quit. Like Dad, Fred Trump, used to say, the only thing that matters is winning (or was it whining), or something like that. I wasn’t paying attention to the old man. I am not a loser. I quit. I am not a quitter, not a loser. I mean I wrote a whole book about this, the best book, as good as the Bible, The Art of the Deal. There I told my idiot readers that you have to be willing to walk away, to storm out of the room, when making a deal in order to win. I think I wrote something like that but who knows. I didn’t write that book that I wrote. That’d be work.

So I’m willing to walk away from this deal, the presidency. Not quitting but I quit. And by quitting, I’m not a quitter, a loser, you will only want me more.

I’m going back to my mistress now. Tomorrow I’m divorcing that illegal immigrant I’ve been with and you are still going to love me. MAKE ME GREAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!